27. The "Real" Australia

How do we define the "real" Australia? Many times people who are planning on visiting Australia want to see the "real" Australia. I remember one lady saying, "I am traveling to Australia. It will be my first time traveling outside the United States and my first time traveling alone. I would love any advice. I am hoping to see the "real" Australia, not the tourist Australia. I would also like the opportunity to meet some new people."

Australians with their natural sense of the ridiculous and the humourous love to take the mickey - Beware the Drop Bear, Walking Toad, The Galah, the snakes, spiders and other nasty creepy-crawlies like the Blue Tongue Lizard, sharks, (esp. the White Pointer), salties, crocs, red bellies, black bellies, funnel webs, dingoes and those nasty fish that can kill you if you stand on them. Not to mention the box jelly fish!
And speaking of spiders, there was even a song written about one Redback On The Toilet Seat

Anyway, my advice for those wanting to see the "real" Australia:

1) Go the Footy on Saturday arvo, barrack for a team, and abuse the umpie, a time honoured tradition that - abusing the ump, then go to the local pub and get pissed to the eyeballs.

2) Stay at the Railway Hotel in West Melbourne, you'll meets lots of "locals" and have a chin-wag.

3) Say "bl**dy good tucker this" when eating at the pub

4) Eat a dead horse

5) Go to Centrelink- join the dole queue

6) Learn to call ketchup tomato sauce - pronounced to-mahto

7) Say, "My shout" at the pub - you'll have instant friends & everybody will love you. Remember when it's your shout, you don't walk away.

8) If you're a bloke and want some entertainment, go to St. Kilda of an evening.

9) Drive on the left-hand side of the road.

10) Drive slowly - see our country; drive fast and see our gaols.

If you follow the above suggestions, I guarantee you, you will see the real Australia.